7
Abingdon
Pastoral
Appreciate your child for more than just
his academic endeavours. This might
be by encouraging his other pursuits and
skills, or it might simply be by enjoying
his company, going for a walk with him
(if you can get him out of the house!) or
having a chat over a pizza (once you have
convinced him to put his phone away!)
Practically, he will also need support in
creating a calm working environment.
For the Middle School this might mean a
more hands-on approach by helping him
to structure his revision and carve up his
time; as your son gets older he will need to
take on more personal responsibility for his
approach, and results. Whatever his age,
he will need a quiet, orderly space in which
to work.
Your son and his peers
Most children want to do well in order
to succeed and to impress. They put
pressure on themselves in their desire to
please their parents and keep up with their
peers.
There are practical tips to help with this:
your son needs to structure and manage
his revision effectively. Plan in advance.
In planning, build in variety – some topics
and subjects lend themselves to lots of
short regular slots, others can benefit
from longer chunks of time. Make sure
that these are mixed up with fresh air and
exercise! Self-reflection is also important –
the student needs to think about how he
learns most effectively: staring at a piece of
paper for an hour isn’t necessarily effective
revision. All revision needs to involve
writing or note taking. Finally, he needs to
make sure revision is fairly apportioned –
he mustn’t spend all his time on subjects
he enjoys, or indeed the opposite.
However, the biggest pressure often
comes from the sense that everyone else
has done more or knows more or will do
better. Having a work-buddy or chatting
to friends can be useful, but it is important
that your son works at his own pace, and
in the way that suits him best. He mustn’t
get side-tracked by the boasts of peers
on social media – either about how much
they have done, or about how little they
are going to do – or by those who insist
that their way is the best and only way to
achieve success.
Peer pressure can eat away at us all, but
it is especially marked in teenagers, so
do try to encourage him to talk to you.
Boys are notoriously bad at this, especially
when in face-to-face situations, so do try
to find times when you are side-by-side
over a shared activity (in the car, on a walk,
washing up…) Boys are more likely to let
you know how they are feeling if they don’t
have to face you, especially if they are
feeling vulnerable or stressed.
Finally….
Pressure does not have to be negative, but
it is a fact of life. As with all experiences
when growing up, pressure needs to be
seen as part of a learning curve. As we
say to all parents, prospective and current,
education is about more than just exam
results. I can’t remember a meeting at
work, or a social event, when someone
asked me what I got in my A-levels or
GCSEs, but I can remember lots of
pressurised situations. Treat the exams as
a means to an end, not the end in itself.
