Abingdon School

The society was, naturally, filled with a lot of hot air with speakers ranging from the sane to the ridiculous to the border line disturbing. Max Robinson, as Winston Churchill, put up a proud performance (even sporting a very fetching top hat), as did fellow politician Gordon Brown represented by committee member Chris Hyde. However, saving Britain from either the Nazis or economic chaos doesn’t seem to cut any ice with the society and both Sir Winston and Mr Brown crashed out in the first round. Building bridges was also dismissed by the floor as Isambard Kingdom Brunel, represented by debating, flying and photography god Zander Cornish-Moore aka the Cerise Baron, was thrown out of the balloon. As was notable actor and comedian Hugh Laurie, despite an impassioned plea by OA and steady supporter of the society Tom Finch, who reminded the floor that Mr Laurie (like most Old Etonians) had to overcome significant difficulties to become a vaguely normal member of society. Mark Turner, the school’s venerable old Headmaster, played by Duke of Wellington admirer and renowned OA Tommy Pritchard, also failed to impress. The same cannot be said however for his successor Felicity Lusk played by Chairman Will McDowell, who sailed through to the next round. As did Jack the Ripper (Jack Trodd), Jeremy Kyle (Pierre Leveque), Richard Burton (Rev. Kirk), Henry VIII (Evan Westenbrink) and the ‘Mystery Speaker’ (Joe Ridley).

Henry VIII kicked off the second round with a powerful plea, proclaiming himself to be England’s supreme ‘lad’ while Richard Burton (despite promising photographs from the Kama Sutra in the first round) made his achievements as a Welsh actor known to all who would listen. Both figures however failed to convince a sceptical audience and were duly cast from the balloon. Jeremy Kyle suffered a similar fate despite offering free relationship advice to any who’d take it. The CMR was really hotting up now as the debate entered its final stage. Jack the Ripper, complete with cape, played by Jack Trodd read the floor his final poem or ‘rap’. In the previous two rounds, Jack’s semi disturbing wordplay would have shocked a lesser audience and his final performance certainly did not disappoint. Unfortunately I can’t repeat any of his speech on this website in fear of being publicly executed on lower field; however, everyone present felt enriched by the experience. Next up was Will McDowell as Felicity Lusk. Sporting fish nets, a red suit, fur coat, short blonde hair and a ‘kiwi’ accent, the resemblance was striking. His prediction that Miss Lusk would discuss the debate (and herself) on her infamous blog became eerily true. Joe Ridley as the ‘Mystery Speaker’ made his final plea by revealing the identity of the great man, whose Richard Burton-matching achievements he had listed at length in the previous rounds. Much to my embarrassment he revealed himself to be myself, Alec Burt. The debating gods did not stop there however as I was embarrassed further when Joe Ridley went on to win the final vote pretty convincingly. Will McDowell as Felicity Lusk came in second and Jack Trodd as Jack the Ripper fell into third place.

Despite my chairing being reduced to a series of truly awful jokes, the debate proved a heroic end to the school term.